


saving you

by mintakablue



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: M/M, but they love each other!, it's sad sorry everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 01:40:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9100786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintakablue/pseuds/mintakablue
Summary: He’s sort of what you would call your guiding light if you were more inclined to sappiness.





	

                Time and time again, Chirrut is the one who saves you. It is not the ways that you imagine when someone says “save”—not those flashy gestures like jumping in front of you to stop a blaster or giving you food when you were starving. He’s sort of what you would call your guiding light if you were more inclined to sappiness.

                He’s cheeky, that’s for sure. Always stealing your food when he _knows_ you’re looking, touching the things you’ve told him specifically not to. It’s the kind of annoyance you would only tolerate from your closest friend, and Chirrut is it. You probably wouldn’t let anyone else do the things you let him get away with—especially with personal space. The fact that he can even get next to you without your permission and not get a cannon in the face is evidence of that. Even more unheard of—the fact that he can make physical contact with you. It isn’t because he’s blind. It’s because you trust him wholeheartedly.

                He has a very tender way of touching your face. He does it every time you’re silent for only a few moments longer than usual—sometimes it seems like he has a better grasp on your emotions than you do. You don’t often make facial expressions. But he can tell, just by touching the crease of your brow, your desert-roughed cheek, what you’re feeling. And he always smiles benevolently when he feels your anger or your hurt. Says something like “The Force will take care of it. And I will too, if you need anything,”with a smile that’s genuine and mischievous all at once. The Force this, the Force that. Hanging around him makes you almost half-believe it.

                You used to question why you spent so much time together. Then, you would tell yourself it was the advantage of being with someone who would have your back. The need for company. The uncertainty of being alone. It seems almost silly to you now as you remember how years ago, Chirrut told you he was certain that he was in love with you. He’s always certain about things. It comes from a long time of reflection and weighing choices, but once he’s set on something, there’s no turning him back. He wiped away any doubt you had. You both aren’t necessarily the romantic type (or maybe you would be, you think, if you weren’t always in danger) but you love each other deeply. It’s only natural that you would stay together with him, after everything.

                You don’t sleep together, preferring to take turns so someone can keep watch. Sort of an old habit from when you both actually guarded the temple, but a useful one now that your lives are spent in the shadow of the Imperials. Sometimes you look back at him while he sleeps—it’s not a pretty sight, but then again, you probably aren’t either. There’s so many things that you feel when you’re with him that you can’t name, but you feel peaceful when you look at him.

                Chirrut has always been the most important person in your life. No one else in the world could replace him or even come close to how much you care about him. Or how much he cares about you.

                Even so, he would risk it all for a chance to help others.

                You know, even as you yell at him to come back, that he’s made his decision already, that he knows that he would rather die trying than just give up. He walks forward, chanting his prayers, some sort of miracle keeping him safe. He looks so brave. He _is_ that brave.

                When he makes it to the switch, you almost think he’ll make it back. But of course, that split second doesn’t last long.

                The explosion is quick and brutal.

What’s in slow motion is your thought process, the sick dawning of the realization that Chirrut isn’t going to pull through.

                It’s an eternity before you get to him. It’s every moment of your time together. Every instant, every joke, every tear shed—it’s all of you two, living together. Everything you’re losing.

                When you get to him, he smiles, the way that you’re never going to see again. The stark realization that he is essentially a dead man sets everything off inside of you. You feel like pounding the ground, like cursing up at everything that would take him away from you. He’s saved you and every other rebel out there, but you can’t do a thing. You can’t save him. You never could.

                Even now, while you’re falling apart, he looks almost serene.

                “I am one with the Force.” He repeats. You want to believe him—want to see him in everything, in every coincidence or stroke of luck. You want to.

                And so you do. You put your hand on his chest, feel the last heartbeats Chirrut has. When the last one stops, you hold your hand to your heart and save the feeling of his heart inside of your own.

                Chirrut believed with everything he had. So you do too.

                You’re one with the Force and the Force is with you, you’re one with the Force and the Force is with you, you’re—

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not super in on star wars canon, but i know that they belonged together


End file.
